Tumblr source: bitsbobbins
Moose: As the largest deer family member, the moose needs to consume nearly 10,000 calories a day just to maintain its body weight. This is just one of many reasons that moose make notoriously bad pets. While other deer make fine, if slightly confusing pets, the moose not only sucks up hundreds of dollars a week in food but also take hours in the bathroom getting ready every morning and needs to be taken on walks 47 times a day. GRADE: B
Alligator: Trapped in a world he no longer understands and surrounded by young, hipster mammals sporting untrimmed beards, canvas military caps, bluetooth headsets and those new-fangled placentas, the alligator appears at work each day in the same old armored suit with the mustard stain on the sleeve that he’s been wearing for about 230 million years. He refuses to evolve, insists on hard copies of everything, and will surely never retire. GRADE: D
Leafy Sea Dragon: The Leafy Sea Dragon….is a relative of the seahorse and the only member of Genus Phycodurus. …the leafy sea dragon is distinguished – as it clearly wants to be – by the long leaf-like protrusions all over its body. Designed to resemble seaweed in appearance and motion, these appendages serve no purpose besides camouflage and helping the leafy sea dragon win the $50 Amazon gift card during the Halloween costume contest. GRADE: A (for effort)
King Cobra: Let’s begin by giving the King Cobra its final grade: A+. There are two reasons for this: 1) This is the single most obvious grade to be given out for anything ever in the history of grades being given out for things, and 2) Like you’re going to be the person who gives King Cobra an A-. Yeah, good luck with that one.
Transcript: House of Lords, 3 March 2010
Palace of Westminster:
Pest Control
Question Asked By Baroness Finlay of Llandaff
Baroness Finlay of Llandaff: … How many calls have there been to the mouse helpline? Has the accuracy of that information been checked, given that the staff report seeing mice on a daily basis at the moment in the eating areas? Has consideration been given to having hypoallergenic cats on the estate, given the history? Miss Wilson, when she was a resident superintendent in this Palace, had a cat that apparently caught up to 60 mice a night. The corpses were then swept up in the morning. Finally, does the noble Lord recognise the fire hazard that mice pose, because they eat through insulating cables? It would be a tragedy for this beautiful Palace to burn down for lack of a cat.
The Chairman of Committees: My Lords, there are a number of questions there. I cannot give an answer to the number of calls made to the mouse helpline-if that is its title. I suspect that it would not be a good use of resources to count them up. … As for getting a cat … I was not aware that such a thing as a hypoallergenic cat existed …
